It means the same thing even when illuminated.

Love & Light

When what you want
Is to be truly happy
And how you feel
Is like you’re wandering
It Is utterly dependent
On your own self
To make the best for you
How can two
Totally different bodies
Come together as one
In a world so torn
Without united desires
To make together what can be
Achieved Independently

<3

Prop 8 was shot down, of course.

Final Fantasy 2 (IV Japan) 1991

I’m not running around in the streets yelling my thoughts or professing hate in any way.  I’m not even ecstatic that the federal government recognizes partnership between two people independent of gender.

To cry

There is this moment where tears well up in your eyes, you know that you are in a course of action will cause them to descend, you can make a choice.

Or can I?

If I don’t cry these tears, will they just wait inside for another time to fall?
Decisions should be made more than considered.  This is one gift of life I cannot get the hang of.
What happens with all of the bad decisions?  Pain?  Destruction?
Hindsight may be 20/20, but it is the worst sight of all.

So what’s my goal?  What can I accomplish by crying?  I love to feel, but I have grown accustomed to the emptiness of being.  I don’t know how long I’ll wait before another opportunity like this arises.  I have to.  But I’m not going to force it.

What is love?

Down the Up Escalator

Sometimes you have to go back in order to go forward.

This makes more sense than it feels against the tongue when uttered.  We’re born in the middle of a fantastic world with a rich history and an endless future.  Our ability to make progress comes only from our manipulation of previous ideas in combinations never tried before.  We can look for errors in previous tests or respect their inconclusiveness.  Sometimes when an idea is born the tools that create it need to be made first.

Time is linear.  There is no turning back.  But life isn’t a time, it’s a path.  When we arrive at dead-ends we backtrack.  When we make a choice we pause and consider where each decision leads us.  Despite all this, I do not think life is about who lives the longest, or who goes the furthest on their path.  Perhaps one measure of a man is the distance on the path over the length of time lived, but life has no measure.

I can see the crossroads in front of me, but I don’t know what leads where yet.  When I get there, I’ll go confidently.  There are no wrong choices.  I have just grown so envious of a life I don’t have yet.  The empty cup of mine has a stain; Refusing to wash it, it can only be filled with the same.

Pun is the lowest form of Wit

Reluctance to rinse sand from my feet
Dirt too precious to give back right away
Souvenirs of the better past
So we can remember a better future.

When something so devastating happens
The mind is quick to catch it
The wounds  live in an altered time
And I found out how to bring them back

While I stared helplessly, you took my words
I felt dumb without them, paralyzed
When empathy took over, I listened
And learned what my scars were from

I trace them carefully with my hand
I hear every story they tell
But I am jealous of the pain you felt
You don’t deserve to hurt for me

Even this beautiful coral
Deteriorated and worn
I will wash away to mend me
Finding pieces of you within

Is it covalent? Ionic?

I don’t dream about my daughters much, in fact I cannot remember the last time I had.  Any parent knows that if you have more than one kid, you don’t love one more than the other.  I found it even easier to stick by that, seeing as I have twins.  But they aren’t identical, not even close.  I always felt more of a connection with my brunette than my blonde.  She is more technologically inclined, and that’s easy to relate to.

And she was the one that met me at the door.  They’re at their second year of college and when they are away for a few weeks it feels like a few years.  It had been a few months.  Kids are a weird mirror.  I know I was probably as thin as her at her age but I thought it best not to bring it up.  People don’t want to be condemned, they want to be loved.

I just feel so damn fortunate that I have beautiful, intelligent people in my life.  I love my daughters.

Nesting

I think I’m nesting.  Maybe some people call it Spring cleaning.  I feel like the motivator lurking behind my actions is the desire to prevent an army of bacteria from reaching some sort of imaginary offspring I have running around.  I want to exercise more.  I’ve become pickier about my likes and dislikes.  All in all it is an awkward transition.  Coupled with this, I feel exhausted from pure mental activity.

Savor

It was but an addiction so sweet
That I could taste it instantly
What sacrifice it is to willingly take
That which might mar me forever

As if breathing the air that brushed against her skin
Carried a tattoo that embossed my face
I stray from dependencies because they tax
Yet this one I cannot afford to live without

I can remember when I tasted this before
Despite having suppressed what I assumed forgotten
And could therefore not have known
How its absence has made me feel

What treachery they spouted to me
It is in fact reunion that makes the heart grow fonder
And this is why I hesitated to address you in the eyes
I feared losing my composure would have been complemented

I thought I was growing, here, alone
Yet the zeal I felt, the joy
At the possibility of your arrival
And the sigh which corked the same at your exit showed me hollow

If before my shell was thick and constricted
Imagine how you burst me from within
Now inflated, stretched and vacuous
I dare you to make my cup run over

For, be forewarned,  if I knew your taste again
I’d be reluctant to open
My eyes or arms again.

It’s like I forgot that I write sometimes

2 doors down from ol' Franky boy

There has been a death in the family.  I’ll use that as my excuse for slacking off.

Instead of merely slacking off, I find myself wiking off.  I recently learned about the distinction between barred and unbarred spiral galaxies from clicking on a candy bar disambiguation page.

This line of thinking got me to a fantastic place… reading self-help pages for only problems i don’t have.  I strongly recommend it.  I also recommend spelling recommend with only one “c.”  I also do not recommend picking up American English grammar rules like putting punctuation inside the quotes despite ambiguity.

One last thing

Dear _______,

I don’t have much time.  I can only hope my words reach you before it is too late.  There was a moment in this tangled time that you were almost close enough to touch, and now the curls bring their backs together again.  I want you to remember that you still have a choice.  There is a place where the corridors are long and narrow, but dark and demented.  Love here is an excuse to hate, and this hate brings isolation.  Everywhere you go, no matter what you think is right, never succumb.  You were always more comfortable as one above the herd.  How is it possible to give yourself to the world if you sacrifice yourself to disappear into it?  I’m sorry, there’s nothing more I can do from here.  I hope that when we meet again, it is crest to crest.

Love forever,

_______