The Orphan

An Orphan

What once manifests itself as judgment and desires,
Placates the mind in its ever search for congruency.
When reality is gained, retribution befalls it,
And displacement is the coveted acceptance.

If the mind is a prison, then who else to rely better on?
An obsession with survival clouds the ability to trust.
Inheritance does not fall short of a name, or a past,
But looking for answers yields only flat conclusions.

The aging face hardens when reflecting on its image,
The ponder is no longer of who made it.
In actuality it never crossed the mind-
Nothing is what made me this way.

The nothing is a beautiful emptiness, though,
A small spark can become an uninterrupted explosion.
The freedom to create anew, design with a concrete plan,
To start a legacy bold enough to outlive the lost.

I am thankful that I was told to be polite,
When I am served hardship, I finish my plate.
But I’m not a damned fool to ask for seconds,
… I just have to pretend I’m not that hungry…

Old Filler Post #1

It Lies Within

I feel myself rotting
My emotions buried within mold
And decomposing into physical hurt
My reluctance to tell
And reveal my thoughts to the world
Result in this agony
I writhe with my lack of outlet
And constant force of more in the bottle
And suffer eternally until I explode
And release my thoughts into the world

The void we call home
Where no one is honest
Everyone is hiding something
Nothing changes out minds
Everything controls us, but we

Nobody really thinks outside the box
Because we are all trapped inside
By intangibles: morals, love, and others
The forces that make life flow
Around us in a case, not easily broken
If and when we break this cage
By violating a thread: morals, loves, or life itself
Is when we escape into the void
Where spirits roam, and devils and angels sing

Down the Up Escalator

Sometimes you have to go back in order to go forward.

This makes more sense than it feels against the tongue when uttered.  We’re born in the middle of a fantastic world with a rich history and an endless future.  Our ability to make progress comes only from our manipulation of previous ideas in combinations never tried before.  We can look for errors in previous tests or respect their inconclusiveness.  Sometimes when an idea is born the tools that create it need to be made first.

Time is linear.  There is no turning back.  But life isn’t a time, it’s a path.  When we arrive at dead-ends we backtrack.  When we make a choice we pause and consider where each decision leads us.  Despite all this, I do not think life is about who lives the longest, or who goes the furthest on their path.  Perhaps one measure of a man is the distance on the path over the length of time lived, but life has no measure.

I can see the crossroads in front of me, but I don’t know what leads where yet.  When I get there, I’ll go confidently.  There are no wrong choices.  I have just grown so envious of a life I don’t have yet.  The empty cup of mine has a stain; Refusing to wash it, it can only be filled with the same.

Dreaming & Achieving

The Flax of Reverie

Have you ever had my problem,
Of getting everything you want?
It becomes too hard to bear it,
Humility fights down the pride.

Is it instead I never want what I can’t have?
Refusing the impossible task at hand
Instead of invariably being let down

Have you ever preferred to dream,
Because reality is more haunting?
When possibilities manifest and
Materialize right before your eyes

Or is it because what I truly want is only me?
If I change by my own accord the world is safe
Then my prayers aren’t another man’s regrets

What if I pursue something impossible,
Reach blindly into a bag of tiles?
When I make the best of it
It will show only how it all worked out

Fate, it seems, is only temporal to me
If I constantly remap the present
My future is always the perfect reality.

Well, which and why?

Satellites

One walks the earth alone, aware of the loneliness.
Cherishing it at times, mourning it at others.
Searching for answers until resolving futility.
Then this one meets someone and the loneliness is gone.

Another walks the earth, believing they are whole.
Free and strong, yet completely insatiable.
Searching for an answer they believe does not exist.
Then this one meets someone and they realize how lonely they have been.

Things that I eventually will say I have done…

Dogrus.

This is my tentative “things to do before I get tired of leaving my house” list.